大書３ – The New Moon Book
(04.04.2025)
The New Moon Book
Contents
[3] The Midst of Night: Suffering
[5] The Midst of Night: Struggle
[6] The Midst of Night: Conflict
[7] The Second Half of the Night
[10] The Dark Night: Relationality
[11] The Dark Night: Relativity
(1) To my own self, I write this in the aspiration that it may help me find clarity in light of my previous journey with my masters and fellow students. My mind is calm, and I am entering contemplation from now on. Through the window, dusk – as the light draws to an end, so does my certainty. What I have believed, what I have heard and read, I question in doubt. And with a veiling of the lands in darkness, my mind begins to open up to inquiry; may this be fruitful. – The Student
(1) Things have been said. Things such as:
(2) “There is one truth.”,
(3) “There are absolutes.”,
(4) “There is value and meaning.”.
(5) If there were truly one truth, how could it be that what is tall is short, what is bright is dim and what is good is bad to some? (6) And if there were absolutes, then how do we think of changes, that is, my own self is never the same any subsequent moment – how can it be absolute yet undergoing change? (7) And, if there were value, let us say that we could find it, but different minds find different value, thus such a value might be hallucinated by us all?
(8) There are those who say: “Things are with essence.” But in analysis I have discarded essence and found nothing instead. Thus, is essence merely the hallucination of the mind that wishes for such things? Why should we assume essence in a changing world, in a world where things depend on other things for their existence? (9) And there are those who say: “Good is objective.” With which they mean that maybe the world itself holds us accountable for our actions, which we should shape to be in accordance with such a world’s voice. Now, I ask myself: “Given disagreement and mental creativity, what is more likely: That we have found objectivity with great confusion, or that we are hallucinating such meanings?” Is not the spider such that she would eat her mate, and is it not so that we would not do so? How can ethics be objective under such crass differences amongst the kinds of animals? (10) Furthermore, there are those who say: “All should become one unity.” Where I think and feel and say: “In a world with myriads of creatures, myriads of stars and phenomena, how can we ever hope to be of one kind? The baker should bake, the farmer should farm, but if they became of the same kind, neither baker could bake well, nor farmer could farm well.”
(11) Thus, I have realised my mind becoming more and more displeased with this line of thinking. What is this kind of thinking? It is the kind of thinking of believing and doing things in ways that are absolute, rigid, firm, bright, static, fixed, objective, essentialist, dogmatic, externalist and so on. “This is not that and that is not this.” There are very clear divisions, stark contrasts and extremes to be found. This I am displeased with.
(12) Now, the night has begun. No more light can be seen, except for the dim glimmer of stars, and a waxing new moon amidst them all.
(1) From my teachers I have learnt:
(2) “All is suffering.”
(3) Now, immediately, I thought of it as hyperbole, exaggeration or of such kind. Then I listened to their arguments, practiced observation, underwent training, and thus I have felt:
(4) “All is suffering.”
(5) But this is only one of the beliefs I have learnt. Now, whence does this suffering come from, or what is the reason for it? (6) Imagine hunger or thirst: While the mind desires nutrition, it does not have it. This is suffering. If the mind had nutrition and desired nutrition, there’d be no suffering, but happiness. If the mind didn’t have nutrition and didn’t desire nutrition, there’d be no suffering. If the mind had nutrition but didn’t desire nutrition, there’d be suffering, as well. (7) Thus, suffering corresponds to a desire that is mismatched. (8) But let us also think of this: Suppose I desire nutrition. It takes work, effort, energy to attain this nutrition one way or another. Work, effort, expenditure of energy – these are suffering, too. (9) Therefore, to desire means to require to work, which is suffering – thus, desire brings with it suffering, regardless. (10) Now, let us think of another situation: Suppose I desire nutrition, but I also desire to fast and practice a diet in which I must not eat now. This, too, is suffering. To desire two things at once, not both can be fulfilled – this is suffering. (11) Now, yet another issue is discussed: Suppose that you and I both desire the same thing. Both cannot have it, only one. This leads to a conflict. Conflict leads to harm. If I am harmed by this, I suffer. If you are harmed by this, through my empathy, I suffer with you. Thus, this is suffering, too.
(12) To be concise:
(13) To desire this but not have this, is suffering. (And this is one of the manifestations.)
(14) Without desire, can there be suffering?
(15) Thus, I have learnt and pondered over this belief of suffering. And since our very existence is a chain of desires (Otherwise, how could we do anything, if there were no desires?), our very existence is immersed in suffering. Of course, some may find it absurd, but suffering needn’t be great to be called that, suffering. (16) But this is only one of the beliefs I have been taught.
(1) From my teachers, I have learnt:
(2) “The source of suffering are wishes.”
(3) And thus, as I have previously done, I will again show why I have come to believe this, as well. (4) Wishes can be both positive and negative. The positive wish is a desire, the negative wish is an aversion. (5) If I feel an itch – which is a type of suffering –, this means that there is something that shouldn’t be this way. But why should it not be this way? This is my wish that tells me so, I believe. Something in me saying: “I do not want this to be so.” (6) Let us say that we were made to want itches. Then, this voice would sound: “I want this to be so.” But could there really be any discomfort from an itch that we want? Since we have shown that a fulfilled desire leads to happiness, this couldn’t be so. To have nutrition whilst wanting nutrition is happiness, not suffering. (7) Thus, we can try to formulate:
(8) Wanting this, but not having this, is suffering.
(9) Wanting not this, but having this, is suffering.
(10) These are the positive and negative wishes. Not fulfilling them leads to suffering.
(11) And what are we if not a collection of wishes? Let us say I write. Why do I write? Because I wish to write. Can I write without wishing to write? No. Thus, everything we do – or are – are these wishes and the execution thereof. (12) What are we if we didn’t do anything? (13) Therefore, I believe, that we are – largely – our wishes, and these wishes need fulfilment, or they lead to suffering. (14) But this is not the only belief I have learnt.
(1) From my teachers, I have learnt:
(2) “All is struggle.”
(3) At first, I did not understand what this meant. But then I have listened, observed and learnt, and now can say this:
(4) “All is struggle.”
(5) Why is this so? What is struggle? Struggle is when discomfort has to be endured in action. If I do something but I do not have discomfort, can it be said to be a struggle? (6) Now, why do we say that “all is struggle”? (7) We say this because whilst not every moment is filled with things such as hard physical labour, nonetheless, the things we need to do, or our bodies need to do, are hard labour if looked at more keenly. Or can it really be said that it is a matter of relaxation for our lungs to forcefully pull in and push out air? Or for our hearts to beat and pump blood against gravity? This is hard labour. Even at rest, the heart beats, the lungs draw air in and push it out, the mind is constantly active – this is hard labour. (8) Therefore, if one sees things this way, they can say: “All is struggle.” (9) But this is not the only belief I have learnt.
(1) From my teachers, I have learnt:
(2) “All is conflict.”
(3) This, I found difficult to understand at first. But through listening, observing and learning, I can now say this:
(4) “All is conflict.”
(5) What is conflict? Conflict is when something should be a certain way, but isn’t or cannot be that certain way. (6) For instance, let us say that you and I both want a shirt. Only one of us can wear it. Thus, you want the shirt, I want the shirt, but the shirt can only be worn by one. If I were to get the shirt, I can fulfil this wish, but you cannot. Thus, while ideally both should be fulfilled in their wishes, only one can be fulfilled in their wishes. This means that thing should be a certain way (i.e. both having a shirt), but cannot be that certain way (i.e. only one can have a shirt). This is conflict. (7) And why do we say that “all is conflict”? (8) This is because of the way the world is:
(9) I want this.
(10) You want this.
(11) We fight over this.
(12) Alternatively:
(13) I want this.
(14) You don’t want this.
(15) We fight over whether to have this, together, or not.
(16) And even within ourselves, there is always conflict: A decision is when there are two or more options, and a calculation needs to be made in favour of one over the other. While in theory, there may be such things where nothing is lost if one is chosen, in practice, there is almost always something lost – it is a compromise. (17) For instance, I could be lying in bed and desiring a cup of tea. Neither option (i.e. remaining in bed or getting a cup of tea) would be perfectly satisfactory: Either I have to give up the comfort of lying and get tea, or I keep the comfort of lying but lose tea. Maybe this can be even more fundamental than that, but this is so. (18) Every doing, we might argue, is a decision. If we say that “I do this because I chose not to not do this.”, then there was a decision. If there were no such thought in every doing, how could we ever stop doing something? We could never think: “Should I continue doing this?” And therefore, we would be stuck in doing this forever. Therefore, there must be a thought that says: “Should I continue doing this?” – Therefore, everything we do is corresponding to a decision. (19) I therefore come to believe that “all is conflict”.
(20) And that is what I’ve learnt.
(1) Such beliefs have been taught. I have questioned, I have observed, I have decided. But still, my mind casts doubt on everything. Why is this so? This might be because of other things I have found, learnt, heard. I shall now elaborate on these.
(1) Some say things like this:
(2) “It is objectively wrong to harm someone.”
(3) But then we point to harm in self-defence, or to eat, and we ponder: “Why did they say this?” (4) And if it were objectively so, this means: A thing exists, independent of minds. But something like values, “good” and “bad”, “right” and “wrong”, are exactly that, values. A value is a matter of mind. Thus, how could it exist independently of a mind? This would be like saying: “Hope exists independent of the mind.” Clearly, hope is a mental thing and cannot be independent of a mind. And values, too, are a mental phenomenon or mechanism. (5) Therefore, I have disbelieved those who say such things as “it is objectively wrong to harm someone”.
(6) Likewise, there are some who say:
(7) “But my deity tells me that it is so. Thus, it is objective.”
(8) And there I told them: “Your deity is a subject. If a subject says this or that, then this or that is subjective, not objective.”
(9) And there are those who say:
(10) “Life is intrinsically meaningful.”
(11) To which I have responded: “If a tree lay on the road, some will see this as a meaningful thing, others as chance. Is it not so also with life?” (12) To a mind, things appear. These things may not have any meaning. But the mind attributes meaning to them. Therefore, there may be no external meaning. Meaning is a mind-thing, thus subjective.
(13) Now, with these things I have come to show that doubts had entered my mind. If such things as good and meaning are dependent on a mind, then there is no value in the world, only in us. Thus, it seems to be sound to say:
(14) “The mind creates value where there is none.”
(15) Thus, I have come to disenchant the world from this illusion and cure myself from hallucination. There are no external values.
(1) Some say things like this:
(2) “There are absolute truths.”
(3) And clearly, it is difficult to argue against the moon not being out there right now, but it left me pondering. (4) Suppose I was to tell someone: “There is a large disc in the sky that glows. I call it the sun.” They would be valid in saying: “This is no disc, but a sphere. But you may call it whatever you wish.” (5) Thus, in all that others have shown me, it would seem that our descriptions are only approximations, and sometimes faulty ones at that. How can we truly know what is out there? (6) Furthermore, consider this: Someone says to me that “1 + 1 = 2 is true” and argues that this is an absolute truth. But is this not relative? Does this not depend on the laws of mathematics? If those were different, then “1 + 1 = 2” were false. Therefore, where can I find this absolute truth that people talk about? (7) If thus, in external things (e.g. astronomy) our senses are imperfect and we might not fully capture the truth, and in internal things (e.g. mathematics) everything depends on laws (which external things might, too), then how can anything be absolute and not relative? (8) Furthermore, there are those who show us that certain truths are relative even in the external world. Some things might depend on perspective.
(9) I have thus come to disenchant the world from this illusion and cure myself from hallucination. There are no absolute truths. (And if there were, we’d have no access to them.)
(1) There are those who say this or something like this:
(2) “I am myself.”
(3) To which I respond: “What is ‘myself’?” (4) Now, they will list things such as mind, body, and such other things like their role or function. Then I say: “Clearly all of these things can be exchanged. Thus, you are not in this particular atom in the body, but in the relations they hold.” If, for instance, I eat a fish, I do not become a fish. (5) For the role it is clear that this is a matter of mind: To be someone’s child is to be in a relation to someone. Thus, I myself am defined as the relation I hold to my parents and to other people. But this is just in the mind. There is no relation in the external world. (6) And so, I say: “We might be the relations between the parts we’re made from, and those relations are matters of the mind.” (7) Which then creates the belief: “We are matters of the mind.”
(1) There are those who say:
(2) “This tree is tall.”
(3) To which someone else might say: “No, this tree is short.” And they might both be right. (4) For there are those things of relativity, where something is a certain way because of where we look at it from. But then we say: “Yes, this sky is blue.” And we think we’re right. But is it not so that someone with a colour blindness might say: “No, this sky is red.” And they could be equally right? (5) Like this, we can explore many examples and find how strongly our perspective will shape what is true. (6) To some, this is good and that is bad. But to others, this is bad and that is good. Such is it that more things than we think, are relative. Maybe even the physical stuff is relative, and we will find this out, one day. For things affect each other, thus are relative to one another. (7) This thus creates the belief: “(Almost) everything is relative.”
(1) There are those who say things such as:
(2) “This is myself.”
(3) And I respond: “Where is yourself?” And they point to their body and say: “This.” (4) But clearly, that is not them, but a part of them – maybe their chest. And they might say things like: “Alright. I am the combination of this, that and so on.” With which they might mean: chest, legs, arms, head and so on. (5) And I respond: “How can a combination of this and that produce something else? How can a collection of trees produce a non-tree?” (6) So, they try the following: “Alright. I am something apart from these parts.” To which I can’t say much, as it is absurd. (7) Thus, where is yourself?
(8) And then they say things like: “This table is essentially real.” (9) And I ask them: “If the table is dependent on its parts, how can it be essential?” Further, I say: “Is it not so that the table is merely a creation of your mind, and the only things real are its parts?” (10) This, of course, creates a problem: If the table is dependent on the legs and surface, then those, too, are dependent on something else (e.g. the wood they’re made of). If we continue this chain, will we ever find an end? (11) Can we therefore say that there is no table, there is no leg, no surface, no wood, no anything; and all is in the mind? (12) This thus creates the belief: “Everything is void of inherent existence.”
(1) Before, I have heard people say this:
(2) “One day, we will find the end of the path.”
(3) With which they meant that either there will be omniscience and/or the right way of seeing things will be found. (4) Now, I have doubted this. Think, that we were to have omniscience. How then could time progress? If time progresses, new things will emerge from within it, and we will no longer be omniscient. Thus, this is one problem. (5) But also, if we could achieve omniscience, we would need knowledge of each other and ourselves – but who can really claim to even know themselves? (6) And if there were a right way of seeing things, then does this not imply that everyone will become one homogenous mind with no personality, distinction or difference? If I like blue and you like red, will either of us have to give up their preferences? If my inner voice tells me this and yours that, how can there be complete agreement? (7) Thus, and not only thus, I have come to believe: “There cannot be one ultimate end of the path.” (8) And since it has already taken myriads of people across millennia to learn all of this, one lifetime cannot be enough to even learn a drop of this ocean of knowledge. Thus, even if such an “ultimate end” were to exist, no single one could embody it all. (9) This thus creates the belief: “There is no ultimate path nor end to paths.”
(1) As my eyes get startled by the first glint of morning sunlight, I come to a realisation:
(2) “The mind is the answer.”
(3) While I do not fully understand this yet, I explore it.
(4) First, is it not so that all of this is a result of the mind? Answers, questions, doubts. The mind is the creator of things like these. (5) The mind creates views, which are fictional. Some may correspond to the things they aspire to simulate, others not. (6) The mind creates values, which are fictional. They guide us in making decisions, whether they’re the right decisions or not – who is there to say.
(7) So, can we not say that whilst everything is void, everything is without value, everything is relative, and so on, there is something – the mind stuff. (8) There may not be value out there, but there is within. There may not be colours out there, but there are within. And it works. (9) And while everything is suffering, everything is conflict, everything is struggle, this is probably only so because of the mind. The mind creates suffering, the mind creates happiness. These two never come from anything outside of the mind. (10) Thus, I have come to think:
(11) “The beginning is in the mind.”
(12) And with this, I mean: Let us imagine that we have an itch. Where is this itch? Is it in the body? Clearly, it is in the mind. The source of the itch may be in the body, but the result, the experience, the conscious reality, is in the mind. This is where our being begins – and also ends. (13) Everything we do, stems from the mind. Consider making a cup of tea: First, there has to be the thought: “I will make a cup of tea.” Then, there has to be volition. Then, the impulse, using the mind to move the muscles to move towards the tea kettle. All of this commences in the mind. (14) Thus, I have come to believe:
(15) “Everything emerges from the mind.”
(16) And not only that. But is it not so that we may even say that we identify with the mind, or something related to it? Thus, we may even call this our “self”, or the grounds of our “self”. (17) Now, if I were to train my body to be skilful in archery, this requires the mind: I must use the mind to coordinate my muscles and do other things such as correct breathing and calmness of thoughts. Therefore, even physical activities and skills may be dependent on the mind. (18) I come to think:
(19) “If everything originates in the mind, then we must make the mind the highest priority.”
(20) And thus, I must understand the mind, train the mind, tend to the mind.
(1) Thus, I have come to believe:
(2) “I must train the mind and tend to it.”
(3) For the mind will be the grounds of my self, of my activities, of my views, of my values, of my happiness, this is important. (4) And therefore, I should ask myself such questions as:
(5) “What is the good?”
(6) And if I have found this, I can develop my beliefs around this, or with this. (7) I should also think things such as this:
(8) “Who or what am I?”
(9) And I might realise that this is completely up to my making. Since the Self seems to be no more than a mental creation, with this mind we have the possibility to construct this Self the way we desire to. (10) And I may further think about things such as:
(11) “What do I wish?”
(12) And with this, I might come to see and understand what motivates me. (13) One could say that therefore, I should carefully train my mind in being healthy, strong and flexible, and then construct values, beliefs and so on.
(1) “I should train my mind”, I said, and see that it is not all there is to it.
(2) Others, too, exist. Others have minds, too. Their minds should be well. And whatever I do with my mind, might affect others and their minds. (3) Therefore, this training of the mind is not exclusively a solitary practice, but a social practice.
(4) Let us say that I choose to value my own happiness. Let us say you choose to value your happiness. Now, there is a situation in which my happiness jeopardises your happiness or vice versa – this leads to fighting. (5) If, however, we discuss together and come to the agreement that we should value all our happinesses, we can better coordinate and live together. (6) And if I see the sky as blue and you see the sky as red, we might struggle to navigate things together. (7) Thus, in this, we should not forget the other.
(1) Since I have thought this, the following also appeared in my mind:
(2) “There may not be one way.”
(3) There are many who say things such as: “With this way, all is good.” And they promise themselves that no other way needs to be considered. Others say that the true way just has not yet been developed. (4) But, just as the same medicine might not work for everyone equally, the same way might not work for everyone equally. (5) And, just as different medicine is prescribed for different illnesses, the different ways might be mixed and switched for different seasons. (6) Some already work parallel, while others require ways about ways to do this. (7) “But how can progress be made if the way is constantly changed?” This I have heard before. And clearly, if someone wants to be skilful at baking, they bake and do not farm. But, if they do not know whether they will be needing to farm or to bake, they should gain some expertise in both, or rely on others who are skilful in either one or the other. Clearly, this is why such ways of ways are necessary.
(1) Now, some may believe this or that to be right or true, and others that or this. (2) Clearly, if one says: “We should do things this way.” And another says: “We should do things that way.” There will be conflict, fight and great suffering. (3) Thus, if there are no ways of ways, there cannot be peace, nor harmony. (4) What do ways of ways consist of? They consist of mental aptitude, communication and such things as love. Without the first, thoughts are chaotic, confused and unclear. Without the second, thoughts do not travel well. Without the third, conflicts arise (more). (5) Now, clearly, this already proposes a way, since a way of ways is also a way. But that is one of the manifestations of such a way of ways.
(6) For a way of ways to work, we might require to study, learn and understand different ways. And we might make questions the virtue one should uphold as valuable.
(1) While I consider the following to be not as universal as other things, this I have come to realise, too:
(2) “Make walking the goal.”
(3) That is, ponder the following: While I have questions, I think. While I have answers, I cease to think. So, while I think, I can improve. While I do not think, I cannot improve. If I don’t improve, arrogance, intolerance and even death will follow. Thus, to think is of importance. But to think means not to have reached the destination (of an answer). (4) Likewise, consider this: The farmer of the West ceases to work after the harvest, having found this to be the goal. But the farmer of the East keeps working, never ceasing. Who will survive longer? (5) It is thus that things never stop revolting that we, too, must never stop. Therefore, to rest, settle, cease is to invite misfortune. (6) And I have also come to see:
(7) “Make balance the goal.”
(8) If one lives by extremes, consequences will be extreme. One cannot endure extreme bad. But one can endure living with only mild good. Therefore, while extreme good could come, it is not guaranteed nor necessary. And in living mildly, one risks at worst the mild bad, which can be dealt with. (9) Let us say that one is very active and the other very passive. Neither will fare too well. They both are extreme, and either require moderation and balance to be well, or require each other to be well as a unity. Therefore, balance is the goal. (10) But what is balance? This brings me to the next view:
(11) “Make inquiry the goal.”
(12) In each moment, make effort to inquire about things. What is the balance in this moment? This, maybe no rule can be set out for, but needs to be reinvented every moment anew. (13) To rely on ready answers and rules that will guide us, is laziness, and difficult to accomplish. Consider this: After making many observations, a kind parent decided to set out a rule, whereby they will always fairly split food between their children equally. Now, one child has become obese, the other skinny. Will the rule still be satisfactory? Clearly, the rule will harm them both – one gets too much, the other not enough. Thus, rules, while helpful, can also be dangerous. (14) If inquiry is not made the goal, then improvements might be difficult to achieve, if at all. (15) Thus, what has been learnt, is also this:
(16) “Do not depend on happiness, do not shy from suffering.”
(17) For, let us say, we were to shy from suffering and seek only happiness, we become lazy, dull and will not put in effort anymore. (18) Clearly, some will then live by this and endure great harm where they needn’t. Others will not practice enough and barely put in effort. Again, this is where balance is needed. (19) Thus, I have found to be true:
(20) “Life is change.”
(21) And that means that things do, they behave and they work. (This is tied to the belief of “all is struggle”.) (22) To strive for, believe in or cling to anything other than what this is, leads to displeasure, pain and suffering. (23) We are life. Life is change. We are, and should be, change. (24) Every pond that has no stream will become a marsh. Every room that has no fresh air will grow mould. If the sun didn’t travel, there would be either freezing cold or searing heat. Without change, nothing good can come. (25) This I have come to believe.
(1) Stars have begun to fade into the light blue sky, the birds have begun to chirp and a sun has begun to arise from beneath the horizon. (2) Where once there was darkness in my mind, now there is light. (3) Clearly, these are not answers in the usual sense, and they are anything but final. But to those who seek finality, I have to say that I have discarded such a desire. (4) Certainty may never be perfected, and that is alright.
(5) As is consistent with these views, I shall continue to study, observe, learn, listen, read and walk. My teachers and friends are greatly appreciated in this, and I will delight in discussions over these new beliefs – to test them, see their strengths and weaknesses, and never cease to develop them.
(6) Thus, the day has begun and I must now finish this letter. It has been fruitful, beautiful and I am grateful. I shall remember what I have found:
(7) “All is conflict, struggle, wish and suffering.”
(8) “All is void, coming from the mind.”
(9) “All is eternal walking.”
(10) “All begins in the mind - train the mind.”
(11) With this, I am satisfied and pleased. May other nights bring other fruits, but this night’s fruits I shall savour.
(12) My best wishes are with whoever reads this. – The Student
Composed: 04.04.2025 – 05.04.2025
Updated: 05.04.2025